


Don’t Leave Me

by theinsandoutsofcastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 18:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5675752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinsandoutsofcastiel/pseuds/theinsandoutsofcastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey I was wondering if you could do a crowley and reader fic about them being married and the reader suffering from depression and crowley not knowing. So one day after they get in a fight and crowley leaves the reader tries to take her life. Please would really mean a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don’t Leave Me

Warnings: Reader has depression, angst, attempted suicide, fluff at the end

Fic:

You sat on your couch reading a book. Well, trying to read but you couldn’t focus on the words. Lately, you just weren’t interested in anything. Even your favorite movies, books, music, and people couldn’t interest you. Instead, you just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep.

You’d been through this before, depression. Last time it had happened, it had taken a lot of help to get through it. The thing you found least helpful was when people told you to ‘snap out of it’ or that ‘other people had it worse.’ You knew they were just trying to help, but what they didn’t realize was that it only made you feel worse.

Footsteps sounded across the floor and you knew it was Crowley. When you had married him, it had been the happiest day of your life; but now, for some reason, that happiness was gone. It wasn’t Crowley, you loved him, you really did, but this depression had caused you to shut yourself off from him. He had always treated you well and showed that he loved you, but lately, you just couldn’t find it in yourself to show him the same affection you once showed him.

“Hello Love, what are you reading?” Crowley whispers in your ear. He stands behind you and his hands begin to massage your shoulders.

“I don’t know, some book,” you respond as he begins to kiss your neck and the spot behind your ear. Normally having him touching you like this would arouse you, but lately his actions did nothing.

“What’s wrong Love?” Crowley asks.

“I’m sorry, I’m just not in the mood,” you respond. You’re afraid to tell him about your depression. You’re afraid that he wouldn’t understand and that he would just tell you to ‘get over it’ instead of being supportive.

“‘Not in the mood,’” Crowley repeats, “Y/N, lately you’re never ‘in the mood.’”

“Crowley, I’m sorry, I just can’t, not right now,” you plead.

“If not now, then when?” Crowley asks angrily. He stops touching you and moves to stand in front of you so that he’s standing over you. “Y/N, I’m sick of this. You’re my wife, but you’re not the woman I married. Are you sick of me? Is that it? Would you rather have your precious little angel? Castiel, is that what you want?”

“Crowley – ”

“No, don’t. I can’t take it anymore; you’ve been like this for weeks. If you don’t want to be with me, then I’ll leave. I can tell when I’m not wanted.” Crowley yells.

“Please, wait, don’t leave me,” you plead, but it’s too late. With a snap of his fingers, Crowley disappears. You wait on the couch, crying and hoping he’ll come back. It’s the most emotion you’ve felt for the past several weeks. You had felt like things were helpless before, but now that Crowley was gone, you knew that there were darker places inside of you that you had never experienced before.

He was gone; the man you loved was gone. He didn’t want you and maybe no one else did either. Dark thoughts began to run through your head; maybe it would be easier for everyone if you didn’t exist. Would anyone even miss you?

Hours passed by and the thoughts only continued. Crowley never came back. Finally, you couldn’t take it anymore. You found yourself standing in front of the bathroom cabinet, pulling out every bottle of pills you could find. You grabbed them all and took them to your bedroom, dropping them on the bed. Then you went to your kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine and opened it before returning to your bedroom.

You sat on your bed, legs crossed and surrounded by medication. You placed the bottle of wine in your lap and opened one of the bottles. Shaking the contents into your hand, you prepared yourself for what was to come. They said it was like falling asleep, you hoped they were right. You put as many pills in your mouth as you thought you could swallow at one time and moved to grab the wine bottle. You raised the bottle to your lips and –

“No! Stop!” Crowley’s voice yells. You cough in surprise, causing pills to fly out of your mouth and from your hand. “What are you doing?” Crowley asks, sounding angry.

Tears spill from your eyes and you can’t find the words to respond. Crowley moves towards you and takes your face in his hands, “Did you swallow any? Please tell me you didn’t.” You shake your head, letting him know that you hadn’t. He takes the wine bottle from you and places it on the nightstand before waving his hand and sending all of the pills and bottles to the floor. Crowley sits on the bed next to you and wraps you in his arms, pulling you onto his lap. “What were you thinking?” he asks a little more gently. Tears continue to flow and he pulls you closer to him so that your head rests on his shoulder. Your hand grips the lapel of his suit jacket tightly, afraid that if you let go, he’ll leave you again.

You sit there in his arms for a while. He strokes your hair and kisses the top of your head until you’ve calmed enough to begin speaking. “Crowley,” you whisper, “there’s something I should tell you.”

“Anything Love, you can always tell me anything,” Crowley says comfortingly.

“I – I have depression,” you start, “it’s something I’ve had before, but it’s still difficult to deal with. When you left, I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“You should’ve told me,” Crowley says before kissing the top of your head, “I would’ve tried to help and I never would’ve yelled at you like that. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I should’ve never yelled at you, not for any reason. I love you, you know that right? I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. You’re the only thing on this god forsaken planet worth caring about.”

His words don’t lessen the depression you feel, but they help to reassure you. “Thank you Crowley,” you say. He’s there for you, and he does care despite all the thoughts and fears you had had. You knew it wouldn’t be easy, depression wasn’t something you could move past that quickly, but with Crowley there to support you, it gave you some semblance of hope.

“Please don’t ever try to take your life again, please,” Crowley begs you, something he’s never done before, “please don’t leave me; and I promise I will never leave you, ever again.”


End file.
